Monday, May 26, 2014


I try my best to be an optimist but sometimes you just have to give into the cathartics of complaining. Living in Peru, you can certainly find a lot of material to wine about, hence this post. I would like to start by disclaiming that I absolutely love Peru and I adore my life here. That being said, anyone living in Peru can probably relate to some of the things on the list I've compiled from complaints I've had to those I've heard from others.

1. Showering is always a dreaded task. The water is either scolding hot with low pressure, freezing cold, and/or turning on and off while I stand in the corner freezing and soapy mentally preparing myself to step back under the trickle of unbearableness. Meanwhile I wonder how having a direct electrical current heating my water source is safe.

2. The weather is so unbelievably unpredictable. Yet no matter how many times I get stuck somewhere in the rain without a rain jacket, I still don't always bring one, because every time I do- it doesn't rain.

3. When I'm feeling too lazy to cook breakfast I toil with the serious decision of which to get: tamales or papas y juevos. I usually just get one of each because the choice always overwhelms me. Same goes for dinner and deciding between anticucho or popcorn.

4. Every time I eat at a menu or get street food I cross my fingers that I don't get food poisoning, a parasite or a bacterial infection. But the risk always seems worth it when I'm devouring delicious food that I paid less then $2USD for... until I get sick.

5. Every time I buy something, even if it's something I get on a regular basis, I mentally convert it into USD to justify how cheap it is before I feel satisfied with my purchase.

6. On a daily basis, I curse people out in English under my breathe as I have to jump onto the street into oncoming traffic just to get by, because people can't seem to get the concept of moving to the side.

7. Even though I've lived here for 5 months,  every once in a while I space out and accidentally throw my toilet paper into the toilet instead of in the bin. Then I spend a few minutes trying to decide if I should just flush it or walk away.

8. Every time I think I have enough money for a cab, I really just have 70 centimos in 10 and 20 centimo coins, which is annoyingly deceiving.

9. When I go to the ATM to get out money, it comes in 50's and 100's which is basically like having no money at all. So then I have to rearrange my day to make a stop at either Mega, Orion, or the Pharmacy to get change before I can go on with my life.

10. When I meet a new Peruvian, they always ask me "So, do you like Cusco?," and every time I want to smack them and say "No, I live here because I absolutely despise it."

11. Then they ask, "Have you been to Machu Picchu yet?"

12. I can't walk anywhere without turning down at least 2 people who really want to shine my shoes, sell me a finger puppet, a tour, or a picture with a llama.

13. When I do decide to browse in the artisanal markets, every tienda worker feeds me the same line about how everything they have is 100% alpaca but that they will give me a special price.

14. Despite the fact that I'm typically not in the mood to go to Mythology at the beginning of a Friday or Saturday night we always seem to end up there. I'm actually still baffled by this phenomenon.

15. No matter how many times I try to Salsa, I can't seem to get the hang of it. Unless I'm drinking...but I'm pretty sure that's just a drunken state of no longer caring that I'm quite horrible at it.

16. The same goes for speaking Spanish...I can't seem to grasp when to use por vs. para.

17. When a dog approaches me I have a difficult time deciding if I want to pet it and expose myself to flees, ticks or rabies, or avoid the situation all together. Then I usually just go for it because I miss my dog.

18. Even though I've adapted to Peruvian time for the most part, I still always stress about running late, only to end up still being the first one to arrive.

19. Customer service is non existent. It is virtually impossible to get assistance in a timely manner at any tienda and sometimes I'm simply ignored all together. It's kind of like being a girl at a gay bar with a male bartender.

20. There is the common misconception that I am a walking ATM because I'm a gringo. Little do they know, I can't even afford a ticket home.

21. I still consistently buy new bottles of water instead of boiling water, and I justify it by the fact that I'm stimulating the economy.

22. I feel like I'm the only one here who hasn't been to Machu Picchu yet!

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